Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of healthy relationships. You are the one constant person in every relationship you have. The ability to be aware of our thoughts, emotions, and how they influence our behavior significantly impacts our relationships with ourselves and others. While we all have an inner critic, it’s important to reflect and be curious about our behavior patterns as we navigate situations in any relationship. We’re often quick to judge others, rather than reflect on our own behavior.

When we become aware of what brings us emotional pain and understand the cause of that pain, we can take the following steps toward healing, which fosters emotional and relational intelligence. 

 Healthy relationships have four pillars: feeling safe, seen, soothed, and supported, which are essential to all relationships. However, this is rarely seen, and thus brings on a variety of emotions such as anger, confusion, depression, anxiety, grief, and more. When we have a strong sense of self-awareness, we look for those pillars as we build relationships with others. Research has shown that our childhood experiences can be traumatic and result in behaviors that are “helpful” for us as children and end up “not helpful” in our adult relationships. 

Includes the following:

• Autonomy: This refers to the need for separateness, independence, and a strong sense of self, which Esther Perel believes provides the ability to maintain our own individual internal world, which is genuinely desirable to our partners.
• Surrender: This is the need for togetherness and trust. It is the act of letting go of control, dropping our guard, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and close to another person. This allows for the deep intimacy and emotional connection that are essential to a fulfilling relationship. 

Taken from Esther Perel's book 

Mating in Captivity, 

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 Many people are unsure how to address conflict in relationships or how to repair them after a conflict. Quite often, there is no repair, just silence that eventually comes to an end. Behavior patterns can perpetuate a conflict and lead to resentment and contempt. Repair provides the ability to understand what happened and clarify communication that brings connection. 

Dating, yes, dating! Research brings us interesting reasons behind our choices and decisions in dating. Understanding what we want, what you/others bring to the table, the skill in understanding how to truly know a person, and the ability to reflect and lead from your head, not just your heart, are essential in this process. A good question might be: What did you learn from your previous relationship(s)?

Betrayal includes omitting important information about the trauma of an affair by an intimate partner that results in tremendous emotional hurt and disconnection. I work with individuals to understand how the betrayal occurred, develop skills to reduce the likelihood of further betrayal, assist in rebuilding trust, and address the grief surrounding betrayal, enabling them to move forward.